This bed is lonely without you.
I no longer get “Drive safe, text when you get to work, I love you” as I leave for work. I guess I don’t have to drive safe.
I keep expecting a text from you.
Or a cuddle.
It’s lonely when I go to the store now.
It’s too quiet.
Also, Gracie misses you.
I’m scared I didn’t make the right choice. I’m not making him happy anymore. I don’t know how to make him happy. But I miss him so much.
I don’t want to go to work. I just want to lay in bed.
I also decided what my next tattoo is.
It’s gonna be something to remember my little angel by. I think it’s gonna be a mix of the Pregnancy & Infancy Loss ribbon and a heart. I don’t quite know yet.
Since it’s something that’s so near and dear to me, I kind of want it in a private spot. But I don’t know where yet.
I don’t want to always have to explain to people what it means whenever they see it. But I can’t think of any spots for it.
I need to throw an amazing party.
I need to get shit faced.
I need to get this urge to drink out of my system.
I feel like the life I could be living is getting farther and farther away.
I see everyone else living their lives and I’m over here all stagnant.
I can’t keep letting you control my actions, who I talk to, what I wear.
I can make my own choices.
I can surround myself with who I choose.
You are a grown up, make decisions for yourself.
Move on. Forget about me.
I’m tired. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being 19, yet living a life of a 40 year old.
I need to be out and having fun and myself and being with friends.
Why do I find myself laying in bed, unable to sleep, thinking of you as a single tear rolls down my cheek?
I miss you.
You brought me so much happiness, no matter how temporary you were.
You’ve also brought me equal pain that has yet to leave. It’s the most and worst pain I’ve ever felt. It’s calmed, but it’s not gone. It’ll never be gone.
I never got to hear your heartbeat…
Why’d you have to be taken away so suddenly?
I love you little angel.
If you want someone in your life, how do you expect them to help care for your child when they can’t take of their self?
If they can’t figure out what they want or what their emotions mean, how are they supposed to be able to help a child with learning about emotions and finding out what they want?
If the guy / girl is acting like a child, they’re not mature enough to care for a child.
Watch who you let into your child’s life and who may influence them.
Went to a house party for the first time in a long time.
I just proved to myself why I stopped going.
Broken garage door.
Ripped up plants.
Hole in the wall.
Puke on the couch.
Alcohol stained carpet.
Yeah, why do I still go to these things?